The Difference of a Year
A year ago I posted about completing my first half marathon. I felt a tremendous amount of accomplishment, I felt on top of the world, I felt like everything was going amazingly perfect. How different a year can be.
I have some recaps to post. One, the Fitness Magazine Meet & Tweet I mostly attended until a combination of a migraine and some anxiety sent me out early (more on the latter later). I also have a recap (brief) of the same half marathon I ran last year. But now, now I don’t much feel like talking about those things. It’s been hard to stay focused on a lot of things and mainly that centers around the fact that I am having a spat with a depressive episode. Yup. I don’t think any single thing triggered it, and in retrospect, I don’t think this is the first I’ve ever had. It’s definitely the worst though.
But, I work out right? Fit people don’t feel depressed? Wrong. Regardless of regular workouts, or when I used to sleep well (there’s the anxiety coming in), this still happened. On top of this fun, brain-misbehaving experience, I’m no longer in a relationship. I entered my 29th year and a couple months later found myself single. I don’t remember what this is supposed to feel like, if it feels like anything at all. I’m more okay with it now, which has been helped by planning out the decor of my new apartment (lease was signed today, ack!). The truth is, no matter how great two people look on paper or in pictures, when there is a massive amount of confusion on what direction you both want your lives to head in, and those directions don’t exactly sync up at the moment, it just might not work. At least not for right now. So that’s where I am. And also why the posting has been sporadic and disjointed at best.
I’m trying to distract myself. Soccer has been going amazingly well. My co-ed team is in the playoffs this weekend, and my all-girl turf league team is 2-0 (we had a smashing 10-0 victory last night). I plan to get back into yoga once my legs calm down a bit more from the half. I’m also working on feeling better. I think it’s going to work out. I’m not sure how or why, but you have to hope for that, right? I do sort of hate the notion of things happening for a reason, because sometimes it doesn’t ever find you. All I can say is, I’m going to fix the things that need fixing, and try to be happy again on my own. That’s really all you can do.
Thanks for sticking it out with me. I’m not sure where I will be next year, but let’s find out, shall we?