The Difference of a Year
A year ago I posted about completing my first half marathon. I felt a tremendous amount of accomplishment, I felt on top of the world, I felt like everything was going amazingly perfect. How different a year can be.
I have some recaps to post. One, the Fitness Magazine Meet & Tweet I mostly attended until a combination of a migraine and some anxiety sent me out early (more on the latter later). I also have a recap (brief) of the same half marathon I ran last year. But now, now I don’t much feel like talking about those things. It’s been hard to stay focused on a lot of things and mainly that centers around the fact that I am having a spat with a depressive episode. Yup. I don’t think any single thing triggered it, and in retrospect, I don’t think this is the first I’ve ever had. It’s definitely the worst though.
But, I work out right? Fit people don’t feel depressed? Wrong. Regardless of regular workouts, or when I used to sleep well (there’s the anxiety coming in), this still happened. On top of this fun, brain-misbehaving experience, I’m no longer in a relationship. I entered my 29th year and a couple months later found myself single. I don’t remember what this is supposed to feel like, if it feels like anything at all. I’m more okay with it now, which has been helped by planning out the decor of my new apartment (lease was signed today, ack!). The truth is, no matter how great two people look on paper or in pictures, when there is a massive amount of confusion on what direction you both want your lives to head in, and those directions don’t exactly sync up at the moment, it just might not work. At least not for right now. So that’s where I am. And also why the posting has been sporadic and disjointed at best.
I’m trying to distract myself. Soccer has been going amazingly well. My co-ed team is in the playoffs this weekend, and my all-girl turf league team is 2-0 (we had a smashing 10-0 victory last night). I plan to get back into yoga once my legs calm down a bit more from the half. I’m also working on feeling better. I think it’s going to work out. I’m not sure how or why, but you have to hope for that, right? I do sort of hate the notion of things happening for a reason, because sometimes it doesn’t ever find you. All I can say is, I’m going to fix the things that need fixing, and try to be happy again on my own. That’s really all you can do.
Thanks for sticking it out with me. I’m not sure where I will be next year, but let’s find out, shall we?
Posted on 15 May 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged real talk. Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.
I’ve been feeling a bit like this too, so this post definitely hit home with me. Which is crazy considering I’ll be getting married in a little over six weeks – I should be the happiest girl in the world right?! But it’s good that you’re recognizing your feelings and trying to make a change for the better – and still sticking to your workouts! I know for me working out is often the first thing to go when I’m not feeling myself even though it’s what I need the most. Hang in there!
Workouts definitely went out the window for a month or so. I’m glad I had signed up for soccer when I was in better spirits, because it made me get back out and be active again. Thanks for the support and if you need to vent about wedding stuff to someone who will likely have no idea who anyone is, feel free to hit me up.
<3
Working out supposedly calms anxious nerves too (at least that what the doctors always tell me haha) but sometimes even working out can not combat the craziness that happens in our brain, so I feel ya on that one.
Hang in there because it’s bound to get better. And yay to decorating new apartments!!
I can’t wait to post all the stuff I ordered. I tossed all my hand-me-down furniture when we started cohabitating so I went a little nuts ordering stuff. Seeing the CB2 boxes on my porch today definitely made me feel a little better.
You’ve had so much change this year. You really never know what a year can bring do you? I think you have many reasons to be depressed/anxious right now. Exercise definitely helps, but it’s not a cure all of course.
Sorry to hear about your relationship. Sounds as though you are working through it.
I understand completely what you are talking about with the mini bouts of depression. They still happen for me too but exercise keeps them from being out of control. (I have Bipolar Disorder)
Change is always scary. And hard. I know you’re going to get through it all better and stronger because of it.
We’ll still be there for ya when you come back if you need to continue the break. No worries! 
I am proud of you, Krissie!
You will get through this. Sometimes change is for the better. You deserve to be happy. I am always here if you need to talk and one of these days we need to hang out again love <3
Oh, Krissie, I am sending so many good vibes your way. One of my favorite song lyrics is “when the sky is darkest, you can see the stars” — even though life seems dark right now, keep looking – and reaching – for those stars. They’ll light your way. Sending smiles!
Can’t wait to live close enough to you to chat about this without the internet. Take care of yourself, pretty lady.
sorry for your troubles PNG. keep the fighting the good fight and take care of yourself
Depression is something I know all too well, and it can happen to anyone at anytime. I think it’s so great that you’re facing it head on and resolving to find happiness on your own. Some people go their whole lives without making that connection. You’re awesome.
sorry to hear you are feeling down girl. breakups suck but they’re just another learning experience in life. keep a smile on your face and your feet planted firmly on the soccer field and you can’t go wrong
I’m sorry you are having a tough time, but just know that you are not the only person that has gone through it, and we are all here to support you! I think you have a very big, exciting future ahead
you have gone through an incredible amount of changes in the last few months! ::hugs:: you are not alone in that every single year brings about trying changes and adjustments for all of us! it’s how you handle them that sets you apart from the crowd. use this to better yourself and allow yourself the peace of discovering new things in life and from within! x