Time to Fight
I decided to take off Friday last minute to give myself a four day weekend which so far has involved a lot of sleeping. I seriously needed it. But, I did get a few things in order. Firstly, a beer run. I think my favorite seasonal to date is still Victory’s Summer Love. I forgot how wonderfully hopped it was until the other night.
And can’t forget the anytime case of lager. I had a nearly empty box of rolled oats and decided to use up the box by following the oatmeal cookie recipe on it. This seemed like a good idea, my kitchen smelled amazing, and then when I tried to get them off the pan this happened…
Cookie crumbles still taste fricken delicious. But, I don’t think I’ll be using that recipe ever again. Oh well. There’s also been a good bit of kitty snuggling this weekend.
And now we go from the mundane stuff to the serious stuff. I hadn’t really heard about the Runner’s World Run Streak that begins tomorrow until I read Cherie’s post. I think it’s awesome she’s making the effort to shy away from the dreaded comparison trap we all can fall into. I, on the other hand, will be participating. This isn’t because I want to see how I measure up to others. This isn’t about whether I can do it or not. This is about fighting myself, and I want to win. I hope talking about my depression isn’t triggering to anyone and if it is seriously, I am giving you 2000000 e-hugs and saying that it’s okay to not read.
But, the truth is I am taking medications and am not overly thrilled it got to that point. After a long discussion with my PCP about my weight not changing really over the last five weeks, I told her I was playing soccer and ran a half marathon. She told me that as bad I probably feel some days, without that exercise I would likely feel a ton worse. I don’t want to just up and stop them, but I want to get back to a point where I don’t need them, or as much of them. That’s what this run streak is going to be for me. A way to try to fight my feelings of being low and hopeless and see if the daily activity keeps the good moods up more frequently again. I used to be called the happiest person some people knew. I want to be that person again. I want to wake up and be able to accept everything I am and not feel like I don’t deserve anything positive that happens or that it’s all my fault anything bad has happened.
To kick off tomorrow’s run streak, I’m meeting up with Krissy for an early, humid 5ish miles since she’s in town for the weekend. I’m pretty excited for the run. I also did something terribly crazy insane self-motivating and registered for my first marathon. Yes. Miss “this is my last long race” is going to run the Philadelphia Marathon and I’ve already lined up quite a few buddies for training motivation and runs. I went a little Kindle happy and downloaded some books to read along the way.
No, I’m not trying to lose weight. I got a deal on that and liked a lot of the recipes. 
I also pre-ordered Runner’s World’s newest book coming out in the beginning of June on half and full marathon training. I’m feeling good about this decision and ready to take the reigns and face myself head on. No one else can do this but me, and I’m tired of looking in the mirror every day and wishing I was someone and somewhere else. I’m over that ish. Right now.
Posted on 27 May 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.
I have battled depression so I feel you all the way. It’s tough. I have had to be on meds too and there should never be any shame at all. I don’t like being tied to medication, but did find that it was very beneficial to at least learn what “normal” felt like. To better understand my emotional swings so that I could learn to recognize them early on. And then exercise…running….that’s become my therapy and outlet. You know I’m here for you if you need to ever talk about it.
Thanks, sweets. It’s good to know that I am not alone in this and that it’s okay to use meds to help get back on track. The good thing is my doc has stressed repeatedly she does not plan to have this be a long-term thing and that working to eliminate the stressors is what will really help me. <3
Girlie, THANK YOU for this–not the mention per se {which was awesome, thank you}–but the discussion of the depression. That takes some major guts to one, shout it out that you have it and two, just to acknowledge that it’s a work in progress. I had it back in 2000/2001, took meds, hated the meds because I felt like they were making me “fake” happy, and then it just worked itself away when the “triggers” of it went away. Well, my “triggers” are back, yet I keep refusing to get help, get meds, or really figure out what to do. Running helps A TON, but it’s not enough. I think you just convinced me to do something! Anyhooo, yes, do the runstreak and rock it!
It makes me really happy to hear that talking about it is helping someone else want to deal with it head on. I hate that it’s taboo to be up front about this stuff. It’s real and more people probably deal with it than anyone realizes. Definitely go talk to someone to help work through things, it’s a slow process, but hopefully we’ll both get through it one step at a time! xoxo
::hugs:: hey you gotta take life as it comes. this will ease a transition and besides you don’t have to take meds like this indefinitely so there’s that bright side! i just saw your apartment decor and i love the anthro stuff of course
i find inspiration on apt therapy blog and in dwell magazine…even though most of that stuff is so beyond what i can afford ;p
I stalk Apartment Therapy daily. I loved seeing the entries for the Small Cool contest. It was pretty inspiring to see people make such small spaces look gigantic! If I get my place spiffy enough, I just may have to try to enter next year.
Good luck with your meds, hopefully you do get to a point where you can feel normal or more like yourself without them.
And your triggering me….to go back east and buy some Yuengling and bring it back to CO. They dont sell it here and I’m going to Florida next week and seriously considering buying some and packing it in my checked bag!
I’m sorry for the trigger, haha! My ex used to load up his car when he would drive home from IL to PA so he could have a big stock out there. Now that he’s back here though it’s pretty much in the fridge at all times.