Along the way to close my eyes, I lost where I was going…
“Can we talk?”
Anyone who has heard or read that sentence knows the drop I felt in my stomach in the immediate moment I processed the message. The conversation that follows is never fun. Ever. Your eyes slightly widen and there’s the insufferable pit, and perhaps a flush of heat to your cheeks. It sucks, but it’s necessary.
They say love is a stream that will find its own course
Making due is a thing, a thing I will do no more…
What followed was the person I had been casually seeing (only 4ish dates) telling me things just weren’t working for him and that there wasn’t anything particularly wrong, it just wasn’t what he was looking for. It being me. It stung, it always stings. No one likes to find that out. I don’t entirely believe nothing was wrong, but I can respect the fact I got the message delivered in the phone call. As opposed to the usual vague disappearance most of us are used to dealing with, or the person continuing on pretending for far longer than they should. So, after letting myself feel the disappointment in a relationship that never was failing, I woke up this morning happily blasting my favorite band on my ride into work sipping my beloved Wawa coffee, currently a dollar any size. There’s no devastation, no residuals. It clearly wasn’t love. But, hey, it was fun while it lasted, and I did learn one thing:
I need to sync musically with the people I date. I’m not saying everything I enjoy listening to has to be the same, but I think some core things have to match up. Music is a
big vital part of my life. I was a mix tape queen as a kid, and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t listen to something. I once dated someone who said they could live without music. My brain imploded.
Going along with this, it’s no secret to anyone who knows me well that 311 is my favorite band of ever, and in 16 years that has not faltered. I thought about this last suitor and, honestly, we didn’t have any music in common at all. When I mentioned my favorites I pretty much got a blank stare. Granted part of the fun of meeting new people is discovering bands and artists you were unaware of before (I can thank a brief tryst for exposing me to Standard Fare, who sadly is disbanding after two albums, but I digress…), but when what you will probably listen to the most is not cared for by the other party, well, that sucks. It can lead to statements like, “are you really listening to that shit? Again??” or “haven’t you seen them live enough times?” Answers: yes, of course, and no.
Twilight zone, twilight zone
I’m floating in the dark alone
And, is there any love out here?
Let me know…
What I’m getting to with this inane rambling is that I’m starting to slowly do away with vague requirements for potential mates. And that’s partly in thanks to being exposed to this article. I’ve begun to apply it not just to people I spend time with in the romantic sense, but also certain friends as well. Expending your energy on people that leave you wanting more (and not in a good way) is just not a practice I feel is necessary or healthy for me anymore. 2013 is going to be a year of a lot of weeding out, sorting, discovering, and exploring. There will be some stumbles, some hiccups, great valleys and even greater peaks. But, the plan is to stick with me, and stick by me, no matter what. I’ve definitely lost myself in years past, not even trying to figure out what the heck do I want with myself and my life. We’re back on track and it’s onward and upward from here. We’ll see where this road takes us, yeah?
Searching for something
A million miles and a ways to go
Ending up wondering
Moments I think I know
The answer seems to allude me